While attending an infertility conference last fall I discovered three things that really stuck out to me.

As I watched people come and go I was able to observe and take in a lot of feelings and thoughts. And during that time I came away with three things that stuck out to me the most.

Three things that brought me comfort as someone who struggles with infertility.

Infertility does not discriminate

Like I mentioned, we met so many amazing people! I truly felt so much love for every single person who stopped by our table and took interest in our jewelry and our website. I felt connected to each person knowing that in one way or another they were struggling with infertility just like me.

This conference was a safe place. And I hope they felt it, too.

A place where you knew you were not alone in your struggle or your grief. A place where you knew others were going through similar things as you.

Every person was there for a reason. Those reasons may be different from person to person but you could feel the camaraderie shared by everyone.

As I watched all the different people come through it made me realize even more so that infertility does not discriminate.

There were so many different kinds of people that we met and  it does not matter your age, size, race, religion, income, job,  or background.

Infertility can affect anyone. Remember- one in eight couples experience infertility. And somehow, knowing basically anyone of any walk of life can experience it, brought me a little comfort. It helped me feel less alone.

Partner support is so important 

I was pleasantly surprised to see so many spouses attend the conference together. But then again, why wouldn’t they?

Infertility affects both people regardless of the reason of infertility. Coming together as a couple and supporting one another is so important. It made me so glad to see so many husbands and wives together  to hear the same messages.

If you and your spouse are not on the same page with your infertility, we challenge you to do what you can to change that. Whether that means you have a deep  heart-to-heart or you write your spouse a letter explaining your desire to have them support you more- we know it will only bring you closer together.

People care about infertility

At this conference there were several people who spoke- including doctors, those who have experienced infertility, adoption, pregnancy loss, surrogacy and child-free living.

The key-note speaker was Tiffany Alleman who was Mrs. Utah 2011 and although I did not hear her remarks everyone we asked told us it was simply amazing and inspiring.

As mentioned before there were close to 20 vendors in attendance all who are trying to make a difference in the community.

Each and every step that someone makes toward raising infertility awareness makes a difference.

And that is one of my goals.

I want you to know I  care, that others care, that infertility is not going away and that your pain does not need to be in vain.

You can use it for good- to help and educate those around you and to be a light for those suffering, too.

The post Three Things You Should Know While Going Through Infertility appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

You might find that an unintended side effect of infertility might be the loss of romance between you and your spouse.

Between tracking ovulation and all of those unpleasant doctor appointments it can be hard to be spontaneous and it can be easy to lose that spark.

Today we would like to share a few fun suggestions to help keep the romance alive while enduring infertility.

Surprise Him\Her

• Drop off a goody (their favorite soda, cookies, take-out, etc.) to your spouse at work

• Show up for lunch unannounced

• Pack their lunch for them to take to work

• Send a fun text during the day telling them why you love them

• Let them pick the movie for date night

Book a Getaway

A romantic trip to Hawaii won’t always be in the cards (and if it is- go for it!) – but don’t let that stop you from getting away together.

Get a hotel room for the night, drive a few hours to a nearby town, or go to a Bed and Breakfast. Do whatever you can within your budget and availability.

It  might take a little extra planning or effort but it is always worth it. Being one-on -one with your partner away from your regular routine is so important and it can help reignite the  passion you may be missing as you maneuver your life through infertility.

Make a Coupon Book

Cheesy? Yes. But sometimes you need to be silly!

Make a coupon book filled with things your spouse loves to do. It can be anything from leg rubs, to letting them pick the movie you watch. Taking that time to show your spouse that you care about them and their needs will go a long way.

Do Each Others Chores

Even though we do things pretty evenly in our household, there are always those few chores that we each take care of.

I typically do the laundry and my husband always takes the trash cans to the street on garbage night.

Think about what it is that your spouse typically does- and beat them to the punch!

Let them sleep in while you get up with the kids one morning, or surprise him by cleaning up his whisker hairs in the sink instead of waiting for him to do it (I may or may not be speaking from experience on that one!).

The point is, when you serve the one you love you will only love them more.

Schedule Time

Life is busy!

Add fertility treatments, hormones, and stress on top of “regular” day-to-day events and that can make life even more hectic.

If you have to schedule time to be together then do it. Make date nights a priority.

Even if that means making sure you both don’t have other obligations on the same night so you can stay in and cuddle on the couch. When you show each other you care enough about them to make time for them it can make all the difference in the world.

Put Away Your Phones

This is a big one!

Phones are amazing and needed in the time we live. But we all know how addicting and time sucking they can be. Set a “phone bedtime” rule for your house and stick to it. You might decide that you both put your phones away by 10 PM. How often does “I’m just checking my stuff” turn into an hour of mindless scrolling while you both sit next to each other on the couch?

Do what you can to stop that habit and know that once the phones are put away- it is just you and him time.

Love Notes

Love notes are timeless and never go out of style. Write a note in the steam on the mirror after you shower, stick a post-it note on the steering wheel of their car or sit down with a pen and paper and write out why you love your spouse!  Once you get started I’m sure you won’t be able to stop.

Sometimes we all need to be more intentional when it comes to making time for our loved ones. When life gets busy and hard it is easy to get wrapped up in our troubles and often our favorite people get the brunt of it.

Infertility can suck the life out of you and sometimes just getting through the day is all one can do. But if you take the time to show love to those around you- you will notice a difference in your relationship and your overall happiness as well!

We would love to challenge you to post on social media the ways you are loving your spouse as you battle infertility. Please tag us and use the hashtag: #triumphsandtrialsloveyourspouse

The post How To Keep Your Marriage Strong During Infertility appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

Father’s Day is coming up and I wanted to put it out there that Father’s Day might be just as hard for men, as Mother’s Day can be for women who are affected by infertility.

Surprised? Did you know? Had your thought about it? I’ll admit sometimes I haven’t.

On Mother’s Day we see beautiful quotes stating that you don’t need to have a child to be a mother.

And there are caring and thoughtful blog posts written reminding the childless women that they are not alone and that they are just as much mothers as the ones who have children.

But men affected by infertility have feelings, emotions and they hurt, too.

I think so often men feel the need to be strong for their wife, and they are often the ones holding up their spouse emotionally, and physically during the pains of infertility. Because of this, sometimes we might forget that even though they might hold in their emotions, it doesn’t mean they aren’t experiencing  feelings of sadness, depression, anger and hurt, too.

Just like all women can be a mother- with or without children- I want to remind everyone that all men can be fathers, too.

And Father’s Day might just be a tender day for them as well.

Even if they don’t shed tears, or talk about it openly, I hope we can all be a little more sensitive on this day to our husbands, brothers, sons, uncles and friends who might have that agonizing hole in their heart that infertility can bring.

I found the following poem and thought it was so eloquent.

God took the strength of a mountain, The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun, The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature, The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages, The power of the eagle’s flight,
The joy of a morning in spring, The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity, The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities, When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it … Dad

-Author Unknown

Did you read that?

These are qualities you can posses without even having a child of your own.

I also found the following quote and knew I needed to share it.

“Father is the noblest title a man can be given. It’s more than a biological role. It signifies a leader, an exemplar, a confidant, a teacher, a hero, a friend , and ultimately a perfect being.”– Elder Robert L. Blackman

I believe there are so many wonderful and kind, caring, nurturing, compassionate, loving, talented and generous men in this world.

And any man who possesses those attributes and uses them for good is very deserving of the name father.

For reasons we may never know, some men may never have children of their own.

But I hope they know what an important and vital part they can play in any child’s life. Whether it is with a niece or nephew, or a child from the neighborhood or church congregation- they can be a positive influence and make a lasting impression and touch many children’s lives.

With Father’s Day coming up I want to express my acknowledgment to the  men who long to be a father, to the men who might have children but yearn for more, and to any man who feels a tug at the heart when his righteous desires of adding children to his family is not being fulfilled in the way they hope- you are not forgotten. And I admire and respect you.

You are what we call an “infertility warrior”- and you are celebrated today because you hold the desire in your hearts to be a dad and because even if the role of fatherhood isn’t what you imagined, you have so much to offer and so much goodness to share with others.

Remember, the title of fatherhood is more than biological, and it is something that can be attained by simply being you.

The post To The Infertile Man On Father’s Day appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: PTSD is a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary, or a dangerous event. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can be described as a mental health condition that’s triggered by a trauma. Whether experiencing it or seeing it. The symptoms include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, depression and confusion.

As a 15 year old freshman girl I was at school on April 20, 1999 at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado when two students opened fire and killed 12 students, one teacher, wounded dozens and then killed themselves.

This was my  trauma.

For years I didn’t realize that  what I was experiencing was PTSD. But I had all the symptoms.

Flashbacks. Anxiety. Depression. Confusion. Nightmares.

I used to think the only way someone could have PTSD was to have been a soldier at war. But now I know PTSD is so common and it can happen to anyone who has experienced a trauma.

Something scary. Something shocking.

Although I was not injured at the school that day I did hear gun shots.

I hid, I felt fear. I was confused, I was lost, I was angry. I felt as if I lost all control of  my life. I felt anxiety.

Sound familiar?

Going through infertility can bring up all those feelings, too. I know they have for me.

There are all sorts of levels of trauma. There is the trauma of being in a school shooting (like myself) and then there is the trauma related to infertility, which I also experience.

So what does my infertility PTSD look like?

I have been blessed with two daughters through the miracle of IUI.

But for ten years I have had dozens and dozens of doctor appointments, paid thousands of dollars in treatments, spent hundreds of hours with doctors, nurses, in the hospital or at the RE clinic. I have taken hundreds of ovulation tests, pregnancy tests and even more shots and pills.

My stomach has been in knots as I’ve waited for important emails and phone calls from medical professionals, I’ve waited anxiously in nothing but a gown in a cold doctor’s office.

I’ve felt the highest of highs  the lowest of lows and have felt as if my world was crumbling down around me. I’ve grieved. I’ve wept in my bed for hours,  and walked around like a zombie due to hormone medication that made me feel like someone I didn’t even recognize.

Sound familiar?

That is trauma.

It can be a traumatic experience to go through infertility.

So don’t be surprised if at some point on your journey- whether that means you have been able to have children or you’ve come to terms with living childless-  that there might be a time where you experience PTSD because due to the trauma you’ve experienced because of infertility.

For the past four years we’ve tried to add another baby to our family.

Two years ago we spent over a year going through two rounds of IVF. One year ago we decided to take a break and stop all treatment. That meant no more appointments, and no more going to my clinic.

About six months ago I needed to go back to my fertility doctor to have her remove some uterine polyps. But first I had to have a pre-op appointment.

That meant I would be going back to the fertility clinic for the first time in over a year.

What I didn’t expect was to experience flashbacks just by being there.

As I waited in the room for my doctor I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I started to feel anxious as if my body was shutting down. I just wanted to get out of there. I thought back to all the time I had spent there doing IUI’s  and IVF and I felt hot and sweaty suddenly. Flashbacks.

As soon as my sweet doctor walked in the room I burst into tears. I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what was happening to me- but my body was reacting to all the trauma- emotionally and physically that I endured in that office.

My doctor was so kind and immediately acknowledged and validated that I had been through SO much there that now it was all coming to the surface.

And then it clicked. Because of the PTSD I experience because of Columbine, I realized that I too, was having PTSD symptoms related to infertility.  It made sense.

When I owned that thought and accepted it, I was able to embrace it. I was able to understand why I was feeling that way and it wasn’t so scary. I could say out loud to myself that it was okay to feel that way, to recognize what my triggers were.

Humans are complex. Our brain works in mysterious ways. And you can’t always control what you consider to be traumatic or not.

But the important thing is to understand what might be happening.

Maybe for you it’s feeling anxious and depressed  every year around the time  you had a miscarriage. Maybe for you it’s breaking down and feeling worried and scared when you become pregnant after having lost a previous pregnancy.

Maybe for you it’s every time you drive by your fertility clinic you have flashbacks of all the hours spent in that office. Or maybe for you it’s a feeling in the air, a smell, or a song that brings you back to the most emotional or traumatic part of your TTC journey.

We all have our own “Columbine” in our life.

Something that changes us. Something that alters our life. Something that strips us of our innocence and the way we once looked at life. Something that makes us put our guard up. Something that forces us to grow.

From my own experiences with PTSD and what I went through as a child and what I’ve gone through with infertility I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel however I am feeling.

It’s important to grieve and let it out. But it’s more important to move forward and to look for the good, too.

That can be so hard to do, and there are so many stages of PTSD, but know that you are not a crazy person for feeling that way.

Take care of yourself. Call in to work and stay home, hugs your kids and husband a little tighter, write in your journal, seek the help of a professional, meditate, pray- do something that helps you feel.

Infertility, just like any trauma deserves to be validated. Never push away what you might be feeling, and don’t tell yourself that “it’s not as bad as what someone else might be going through.” Because remember- this is your journey- not someone else’s.

This life is filled with so much beautiful and good. There will always be trauma and heartache sprinkled in between the happiness and joy.

The events at Columbine happened 18 years ago.

I may always have PTSD related to it, but as the years have gone on, the symptoms have lessened a little, or maybe I have learned how to channel them better.

And I know as time goes on, I’ll learn how to do the same with the emotions and feelings I have related to my infertility.

And so will you.

The post Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Infertility appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

For those in the TTC (trying to conceive) community and for our loved ones who know better- that joke can come across as insensitive and hurtful.

Today I want to share why I think it’s not funny to pull the “I’m pregnant”joke on April Fool’s Day– or any day for that matter.

I am in no way speaking for the entire infertility community, but I do speak for myself and I think it might represent what someone else feels, too.

I have been in this boat for almost eleven years. I have felt the ups and downs that come along with infertility. I have felt at peace with it, and I have felt broken by it.

I have gotten pregnant, and had babies, and I have felt the emptiness that comes with wanting more.

Why should you not “joke” about pregnancy?

Why does it “hurt” someone else?

Why is it a big deal?

When you are struggling with infertility- or miscarriage or infant loss- you experience many triggers that take you to a sad or hard place.

You will have good days and bad days, and just as with PTSD, or other traumas, something might hit you out of no where that sends you into a spiral.

I would venture to say that for most everyone who cannot get pregnant or has had failed fertility treatments- seeing  pregnancy announcements  can be  trigger.

I have to add this disclaimer: this is not to say we don’t love our friends and family members who are pregnant- because we do.

Because at the very least- pregnancy announcements can tug at the heart. It reminds you of what you want and can’t have, or what you’ve lost.

And for a split second your heart crumbles.

For some, that’s all it is. Then they can pick themselves up and move on and be happy.

For some- depending on where they are at on their journey- it is a trigger that can be so, so hard.

It might send someone into a fit of tears, or feelings of agony and despair (might I add that sometimes these feelings cannot be helped, it is a knee-jerk reaction that happens with no warning) ; it could send all sorts of feelings through your mind and body. Feelings of jealousy, anger and bitterness. You might feel sad, and wonder why? Why them and not me?

These are not fun feelings. And over time they lessen, are easier to control, or don’t last as long. But imagine having to be sent down into a spiral, to feel all the feelings, just to be told “Just kidding!”

It’s awful to add guilt for feeling jealous, or angry for “nothing”.

It can be hard to come back from that “place” and get back to normal. Once you’ve been hit with a trigger, or experienced such emotional pain, it is hard to snap back easily. Someone’s “joke” could quite easily send someone into a sadness or funk that lasts days.

For myself, after feeling sad after others announce pregnancy, I always eventually come to a place where I am okay and truly happy for them. But that has taken time, and it has gotten easier, then harder, then easier again.

Even for the person who has  truly gained peace with their situation- they might still remember the ache- and feel for their loved ones who are still in a hard place in their life. And seeing those announcements makes them ache for their friends and family.

I read an opinion on Facebook where someone was appalled that people were asking others not to joke about this. She said “we need to not walk on egg shells” all the time. And while I agree to an extent (people will always be offended by something) I think there are just some things we don’t joke about.

Infertility needs to be one of them.

Would someone joke about having cancer? Or the death of a loved one?

I really don’t think so.  Studies have shown that people diagnosed with infertility feel the same depression, heartache and emotions as those with cancer. If you haven’t experienced infertility this may same like an exaggeration, but sadly, achingly, I know how true it is.

That is why I am so passionate about sharing my story. And why I feel it so important to raise awareness and compassion. It is so common.

And while we can’t be politically correct all the time, or avoid everything that hurts us, I think we can at least do what we can to “try” not to cause unnecessary pain for others.

I firmly believe that when faced with whether to do something hurtful or unkind, we should all choose to just be a little more kind and to forgo doing something that might seem funny in the moment, and to choose compassion toward others instead.

The post Why The April Fool’s Day “I’m Pregnant!” Joke is Offesive appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

Three years ago on St. Patty’s day we went in for our first fresh egg transfer.

It was St. Patrick’s Day which kind of goes along with a “feeling lucky” theme so I couldn’t help but think it was a good omen for us. How could we not “get lucky” on St. Patrick’s Day? After  months of endless doctor appointments, countless shots, pills, vitamins and medications,  and several unpleasant procedures- our first go with IVF simply had to work.

I remember being hopeful that it would, but I was not unfamiliar with failed fertility procedures either so I knew that there would be a chance that it would not be successful.

But our transfer landing on St. Patty’s Day gave me a little extra glimmer of hope on that day three years ago.

Looking back I can see how even though we did not end up with a baby from IVF- all was not lost.

Three years later I can see more clearly and the wounds aren’t as deep for which I am grateful. Time also allows the blessing of perspective- and my perspective has altered since then , too.

We ended up having a chemical pregnancy which is a very early pregnancy loss- but to me- I feel “lucky” that my body did stay pregnant even if it was only for mere weeks.

And for those few days after getting a positive pregnancy test- I could say that yes, I was pregnant. Even though our pregnancy wasn’t going to last I needed that glimmer of hope- and it was a blessing that was needed for me individually at that time.

So I don’t actually believe in being lucky- I believe in being blessed.

In life we all receive blessings. They won’t be the same as others either. And sometimes that is hard. So hard.

Through our infertility I am coming to learn that just because I don’t receive the same blessings as someone else, doesn’t mean I am less deserving.

It doesn’t mean I did anything wrong or that someone else is better than me. It just means our blessings are different. Our trials are different.

We are individual.

Even if our hearts ache and mourn for that which we do not receive it does not mean we don’t receive blessings in other ways. And it doesn’t mean that we are less than others or not good enough than someone else either.

I’m reminded of a quote that I love.

“Don’t you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don’t come until heaven….. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.”– Jeffrey R. Holland

Later this year will mark three years since our second round of IVF that ended in a chemical pregnancy. It might seem hard to see the silver lining in our hard moments. Infertility has shaped me, it has broken me and it has strengthened me.

And that strength is a blessing.

It has forced me to see the amazing blessings I have- while teaching me to never give up hope or faith. It has reminded me that putting in so much time and energy and effort into a good cause, such as having children, is a noble and worthy thing. It has built character that has helped me in other aspects of my life.

If you are reading this and have recently lost a pregnancy, or experienced a failed fertility treatment or  yet again received one more negative pregnancy test I want to tell you that hope is not lost. You are not blessed any less that anyone else- you are just blessed differently.

You may feel broken, and sad and mad and angry and that is okay.

But I want to tell you to look for the blessings, too. Even if it takes  weeks, or months or even years to look back on this time to see it-  I hope that one day you will.

“I’m not lucky, I am blessed”

The post Infertility and Luck appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

I was listening to this song the other day when the lyrics hit me like a ton of bricks.

It was as if something clicked inside me and I finally embraced the fact that I am strong- not stubborn- when it comes to our infertility journey.

So often when people have told me how I strong I am for what I’ve gone through in our infertility journey I have shrugged it off and chalked it up to being stubborn.

10 years of infertility. Almost 20 rounds of IUI. 2 failed rounds of IVF. Dozens upon dozens of negative pregnancy tests. 2 surgeries. 5 years straight of trying. Heartbreak after heartbreak.

I have felt that I keep going and do all of this because I stubborn- plain and simple.

But it finally clicked the other day that I do this not just because I’m stubborn- but because I am  strong. And I was made this way.

Being strong is a quality and trait that I was  given from God to get me through this trial.

No, infertility hasn’t made me strong- but it has brought the strength out in me that I didn’t know I had.

Anyone going through infertility- in any capacity- has been given strength to be strong. I believe that with all my heart. I believe that God has given us challenges but because of that- he also made us strong.

And maybe being strong looks differently on you.

Just because the road you took or are taking is different than someone else’s doesn’t make you more or less strong.

Maybe your decisions led you to adoption, surrogacy, sperm donation, foster care, IVF, or IUI.

Maybe you decided to embrace having one child and not pursuing other options.

Maybe you decided in the end- childless living was going to be your path.

Let me say it again: doing something differently than another person going through infertility does not make you weak or stronger than anyone else.

Wherever your journey has taken you- it was because you are strong.

And I know- sometimes it doesn’t feel like you are strong.

Sometimes you feel weak, and broken, and want to give up.

And that’s okay.

Because I know after that- you are also going to pick yourself up and decide where to go from there. And when you’re ready to make  decisions, close doors and move forward you are going to do it because you were made to be strong and not because you feel weak.

The post How Infertility Makes Your Strong appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

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No matter what stage you lose a pregnancy it can be devastating and heartbreaking.

It can take a physical and emotional toll on someone.

Some people choose to be open and talk about their loss, while others decide to keep it more private. Whatever you choose to do please know that you should not be ashamed or embarrassed about having a miscarriage. Most importantly, it is important to have at least one other person you confide in.

We asked our readers to help us come up with the best and worst advice they were given during their miscarriage. Almost everyone mentioned the importance of having a good support system and appreciating people actually acknowledging their loss.

We’ve compiled a list of the best and worst advice you can give to someone who is experiencing a miscarriage, along with a few ways you can help yourself.

How to Help Someone:

• Send flowers, drop off a card, their favorite treat, etc.
• Hugs
• Send a text
• Cry with them
• Allow them to grieve. Consider saying “Take your time, self care is the most important thing. Don’t rush your recovery process”
• Express your love for that person and the baby they just lost.
• Recognize this is a loss for that person, validate their feelings
• Bring dinner
• Ask about the man in the relationship, too.
• Watch for their cues, if you bring dinner, don’t expect to be invited in, respect their space
• Acknowledged the miscarriage. If you don’t know what to say , don’t just stay silent. Saying “I don’t have the words but I love you” is better than saying nothing at all
• Remember what their due date would have been and when that day comes- send them flowers, a text, dinner or anything to show them that you care and remember their angel baby.

Things not say:

• “At least you can get pregnant” ( TIP: Avoid any sentence that begins with “at least”)
• “I hear you’re super fertile after a miscarriage”
• “What did you do to cause it?”
• “Did you even want the pregnancy?”
• “Did you bleed a lot?”
• “The pain will go away”
• “I know you’ll get pregnant again”
• “Be grateful for the children that you have” ( note: it is possible to be simultaneously grateful and grieve at the same time)
• “Maybe God doesn’t think you are ready to be a mom”
• “You probably don’t want kids anyway!”
• “Keep your chin up, stay positive”
• “You gotta move on,  don’t let it weigh you down”
• “Just relax next time”
• “You can have mine! My kids are driving me crazy”

How to cope going through a miscarriage:

• Journal
• Talk openly
• Name your baby, celebrate their due date each year
• Consider getting testing done to see what caused the miscarriage
• Don’t pretend it didn’t happen
• Join an online support group
• Be prepared with supplies: heating pads, maxi pads, pain medicine.
• Rest up
• Serve someone else
• Pray
• Meditate

The post Miscarriage: The Best and Worst Advice appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

We live each day with pieces of our heart broken and scarred.

We live each day missing someone- a someone who might be able to complete our family- who we don’t even know yet.

We live each day moving forward by going to work, to church,  by being a wife, a mom, a sister and a friend-  while always feeling a little extra weight on our hearts and mind.

Being an infertility warrior simply means that you are choosing joy every day. And it’s not always easy. I am here to say that are ways to be happy through infertility.

So is it possible to be happy and deal with infertility? In short, the answer is yes. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be days sprinkled with sadness, anger, depression, confusion or despair.

And maybe it means that your happiness is what is sprinkled in between those days when you feel you just cannot go on.

Whatever your happiness looks like- cling to it. Cling to those moments of happiness when you are able to laugh and breathe and truly feel at peace.

Because if it’s fleeting- soak it up. Each day  do something to gain happiness in your life.

And it might start small but it is sure to grow the more you nourish and strengthen it.

We all want the trials we go through to be validated. And sometimes it might seem that by truly being happy – you are saying what you’re going through isn’t important or hard anymore.

But that really isn’t true.

Again, it means you are a warrior because you do both.

Let’s talk about some of the ways you can thrive, enjoy life and choose joy as you go through infertility.

• Serve others

“While going through infertility, I struggled with severe depression. With all the infertility treatments, I felt like I was having major tunnel vision, where it seemed every moment of every day is so focused on that treatment and trying to become pregnant. Every month, every year was deeper blow to my heart and my mental state. I began to feel worthless. The way I was treated even by my own family and some friends, and I just felt completely worthless. I began to feel a need and desire to help someone else, anyone else, everyone else, who was hurting as much as I was, if not more.

I began to feel a need and desire to help someone else, anyone else, everyone else, who was hurting as much as I was, if not more. I’ve been a photographer for 10 years now. I applied to become a photographer for the organization Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I was a little worried that it might make my depression worse, but I desperately wanted to do something. It ended up being a very great blessing to ME! I thought I would be serving these families who had lost their babies, and give them something that might help them heal. It ended up helping me, feeling like I had a purpose, that I was being useful, and helpful. It gave me a feeling of worth again. It helped pull me out of that tunnel vision that I felt consumed me! “– Angie

• Do something kind for your spouse every day

• Push yourself to do hard things

• Start a new hobby

• Work on an old hobby

• Read more

I recently started reading more and have found it to be so therapeutic. Some books I read are sad, some are silly and some are really deep. But it takes me into a whole new world where I’m thinking solely about the characters. Searching for the next good book to read sometimes replaces the mindless searching online of TTC website and message boards that sometimes bog me down.”– Cindy

• Go on dates with your spouse

• Laugh every day

“My husband is always making me laugh and ready to have a good time. He’s the life of the party.”– Sabrina

• Pray

• Surround yourself with uplifting things

• Become less obsessed with other people’s journey

“It’s easy for me to compare myself to others. It was really making me depressed every time someone got pregnant, or anytime IVF worked for a couple but not for us. I’m trying hard to realize that my journey is different and just because someone else gets blessings that I want, doesn’t mean they deserve it more. It just means our stories are not the same.”– Rachel

• Enjoy the babies in your life

“I always try to remember that if I am not feeling like spending time with friends or family , especially the ones with babies and kids, that I don’t want to regret not making the memories with them and being a part of each others lives when this TTC is all said and done. Being able to truly connect and genuinely love on babies and kids I love reminds me that someday , somehow those will be the feelings- and more- that I will have when I become a mom.”– Whitney

• Find a community college course to attend

• Go on more walks

“Going on a walk when I can on my lunch break has been a great way for me to clear my head and mind every day. I have started to  notice how lovely this earth is and I appreciate the little things more”– Paige

• Start a Gratitude Journal

Once I began to focus on all the wonderful blessings that I do have I was able to focus more on the beautiful things in my life and on what I do have and less on what I do not have.”– Becky

• Live a healthier lifestyle

• Shy away from the negative people in your life

I have moments in my life when I’m miserable and going through infertility and then there are the moments in my life when I’m really happy– and still going through infertility.

And you know what? I will take feeling happy any day over feeling sad.

It’s a process and one that will have you taking a dozen steps forward and then ten steps back. But the important part is youkeep taking those steps to get back to where you were.

I’ve accepted that my infertility won’t go away, my longing for a baby won’t go away- I have embraced this part of my life. Maybe you have, too.

I know it’s there and the people closest to me know that my heart is always feeling a little bit broken on the inside, even if I’m smiling on the outside. I can cry when I need to. I can turn off social media when I need to. I can be bitter and sad when I need to, too.  And that’s okay.

As long as I keep moving forward and keep looking for ways to be happy, too. Because it is so much better that way.

Your infertility, your heartache, your pain- it will always be a lingering thought in the back of your mind – but I challenge you to do what you can  to find happiness every single day.

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