Miscarriage is one of the most common complications associated with early pregnancy. 1 out of 4 – or even more – of all pregnancies result in miscarriage.
No matter what stage you lose a pregnancy it can be devastating and heartbreaking.
It can take a physical and emotional toll on someone.
Some people choose to be open and talk about their loss, while others decide to keep it more private. Whatever you choose to do please know that you should not be ashamed or embarrassed about having a miscarriage. Most importantly, it is important to have at least one other person you confide in.
We asked our readers to help us come up with the best and worst advice they were given during their miscarriage. Almost everyone mentioned the importance of having a good support system and appreciating people actually acknowledging their loss.
We’ve compiled a list of the best and worst advice you can give to someone who is experiencing a miscarriage, along with a few ways you can help yourself.
How to Help Someone:
- Send flowers, drop off a card, their favorite treat, etc.
- Send a text
- Cry with them
- Allow them to grieve. Consider saying “Take your time, self care is the most important thing. Don’t rush your recovery process”
- Express your love for that person and the baby they just lost.
- Recognize this is a loss for that person, validate their feelings
- Bring dinner
- Ask about the man in the relationship, too.
- Watch for their cues, if you bring dinner, don’t expect to be invited in, respect their space
- Acknowledged the miscarriage. If you don’t know what to say , don’t just stay silent. Saying “I don’t have the words but I love you” is better than saying nothing at all
- Remember what their due date would have been and when that day comes- send them flowers, a text, dinner or anything to show them that you care and remember their angel baby.
Things not say:
- “At least you can get pregnant” ( TIP: Avoid any sentence that begins with “at least”)
- “I hear you’re super fertile after a miscarriage”
- “What did you do to cause it?”
- “Did you even want the pregnancy?”
- “Did you bleed a lot?”
- “The pain will go away”
- “I know you’ll get pregnant again”
- “Be grateful for the children that you have” ( note: it is possible to be simultaneously grateful and grieve at the same time)
- “Maybe God doesn’t think you are ready to be a mom”
- “You probably don’t want kids anyway!”
- “Keep your chin up, stay positive”
- “You gotta move on, don’t let it weigh you down”
- “Just relax next time”
- “You can have mine! My kids are driving me crazy”
How to cope going through a miscarriage:
- Talk openly
- Name your baby, celebrate their due date each year
- Consider getting testing done to see what caused the miscarriage
- Don’t pretend it didn’t happen
- Join an online support group
- Be prepared with supplies: heating pads, maxi pads, pain medicine.
- Rest up
- Serve someone else