While attending an infertility conference last fall I discovered three things that really stuck out to me.

As I watched people come and go I was able to observe and take in a lot of feelings and thoughts. And during that time I came away with three things that stuck out to me the most.

Three things that brought me comfort as someone who struggles with infertility.

Infertility does not discriminate

Like I mentioned, we met so many amazing people! I truly felt so much love for every single person who stopped by our table and took interest in our jewelry and our website. I felt connected to each person knowing that in one way or another they were struggling with infertility just like me.

This conference was a safe place. And I hope they felt it, too.

A place where you knew you were not alone in your struggle or your grief. A place where you knew others were going through similar things as you.

Every person was there for a reason. Those reasons may be different from person to person but you could feel the camaraderie shared by everyone.

As I watched all the different people come through it made me realize even more so that infertility does not discriminate.

There were so many different kinds of people that we met and  it does not matter your age, size, race, religion, income, job,  or background.

Infertility can affect anyone. Remember- one in eight couples experience infertility. And somehow, knowing basically anyone of any walk of life can experience it, brought me a little comfort. It helped me feel less alone.

Partner support is so important 

I was pleasantly surprised to see so many spouses attend the conference together. But then again, why wouldn’t they?

Infertility affects both people regardless of the reason of infertility. Coming together as a couple and supporting one another is so important. It made me so glad to see so many husbands and wives together  to hear the same messages.

If you and your spouse are not on the same page with your infertility, we challenge you to do what you can to change that. Whether that means you have a deep  heart-to-heart or you write your spouse a letter explaining your desire to have them support you more- we know it will only bring you closer together.

People care about infertility

At this conference there were several people who spoke- including doctors, those who have experienced infertility, adoption, pregnancy loss, surrogacy and child-free living.

The key-note speaker was Tiffany Alleman who was Mrs. Utah 2011 and although I did not hear her remarks everyone we asked told us it was simply amazing and inspiring.

As mentioned before there were close to 20 vendors in attendance all who are trying to make a difference in the community.

Each and every step that someone makes toward raising infertility awareness makes a difference.

And that is one of my goals.

I want you to know I  care, that others care, that infertility is not going away and that your pain does not need to be in vain.

You can use it for good- to help and educate those around you and to be a light for those suffering, too.

The post Three Things You Should Know While Going Through Infertility appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

If you have been in the infertility world for even a short amount of time you probably have heard of the medication referred to commonly as Clomid.

By definition, Clomid (clomiphene) is a non-steroidal fertility medicine. It causes the pituitary gland to release hormones needed to stimulate ovulation (the release of an egg from the ovary).

So basically- it helps you ovulate and it is typically one of the first interventions an OBGYN or Fertility doctor might put you on when trying to aid you in getting pregnant.

If you want to learn more about Clomid I would recommend visiting this informative site.

What we want to share with you to day is brief testimonials of real people who have experienced Clomid along their infertility journey.

Text book information is great and all- but sometimes you just want to know what someone else went through- and you want to hear it in layman’s terms.

The following come from real women who have taken Clomid. It’s the good, the bad and the ugly.

But hopefully this helps you feel less alone or more prepared as you continue your journey.

Cindy

Clomid was the medication I was put on for the first time ten years ago. Even though we have male factor infertility, and I do not have a problem with ovulation- my doctor had me take it while we did our IUI’s. We were able to conceive two daughters while on Clomid combined with doing the IUI procedure.

Because I was only on it for a few months during those periods of time I didn’t notice what it did to me. Several years ago I was on Clomid for almost two years- with there only being a few months here and there that I was off of it.. It was during this time that I noticed how much it messed with my emotions.

It made me feel angry, sad, depressed, mad-  and all on a heightened level. I can remember a few times when I thought I was having a nervous break down. There were times when I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Of course, those emotions could also be attributed to the pains of infertility but now being off of Clomid for over two years I can definitely tell a difference and believe Clomid did attribute to my mental health.

Stephanie W.

Clomid. AKA the devil  medication. It  made me have hot flashes and night sweats well past being removed from it. Talk about mood swings? Whoa! Hubby told me if I ever take it again…he’s sleeping in the other room.

Alison J.

Clomid thinned my lining terribly and me feel like I was burning hell 24/7 it was the most miserable tiny pill I’ve ever experienced. As expensive as they are, I will take injectables any day over Clomid. I did 8 IUI’s and Clomid had no positive results.

Jennie O.

Clomid was good to me! Take it at night and the side effects are minimal, hot flashes- that’s it! If you take it during the day like I did during my first round I was ugly and mean. Several follicles – good size. No thinning on my lining.

Thripti A.

I didn’t have any side effects with Clomid. Unfortunately, Clomid didn’t work as expected. I barely managed to produce a single good-sized follicle 3 times I was on Clomid.

Amber

100 mg: Hot Flashes, mood swings, weird visual field stuff, night sweats and increased anxiety. 50 mg: Emotional, increased anxiety, and mood swings.

Kim K.

3 three rounds, only one I was emotional. I was on the lowest dose, didn’t mind it one bit. No success though.

Nicki T.

6 rounds, cysts, horrible mood swings, irregular bleeding while on it and the list goes one. TTC for 10 years.

Eleanor

The side effects were very mild. For me it resulted in a pregnancy on my 2nd round of 50 mg.

Unknown

My doctor would only do three rounds of Clomid due to serious issues it could cause to my health if I kept taking it.The only issue I had was by round three. It caused lots of heavy bleeding during my menstrual cycle. Other than that I don’t recall anything serious.

Cortney

It didn’t result in a pregnancy for me, but the side effects were manageable. I’ve seen this medication work for several other women.

Kelsey N.

I went through three cycles with Clomid. It had all kinds of negative effects on both my psychical and emotional health. Stims were much more manageable and didn’t leave me feeling like a crazy person.

Unknown

I have PCOS and i did four rounds with Clomid and I had headaches and cramps.

Leslie

Clomid….where do I start? Do I dare say I actually preferred stims over these horrible pills? Headaches and hot flashes galore! But did the job of helping me ovulate on  my good side every round!

Unknown

Clomid gave us our rainbow baby! I swear by it and hope it works again when we are ready to conceive in the future!

Jennifer A.

Did 2 rounds of Clomid. Never again! Headaches, nausea, mood swings- yowza! Didn’t conceive on either round.

Stephanie

Just finished round 2 (50 mg) post endosurgery. Definitely more side effects than Femara. It amplifies my crazy anxiety.

Unknown

I was on it only one month and hated it. Insane mood swings. It did induce ovulation in my and I started spotting at only 6DPO so it thinned my uterine lining way quickly for any type of implantation to occur.

Crystle

I did 6 rounds of Clomid. I honestly didn’t see a huge difference in how it affected me We did get pregnant on our last round with Clomid but sadly lost that pregnancy early on. We ultimately ended up having to do IVF

Emily C.

I had 6 rounds of Clomid- each time I had a positive test, however nothing came from it just mood swings and hot flashes!

Isn’t is amazing what we have to endure to even try to have a baby?

If everyone could understand what some couples go through to get pregnant than I  think fighting infertility would be made a little easier with more compassion and understanding from others.

We hope that reading the experiences from others helps you as you navigate your own journey. Remember everyone responds differently to medications but it is always smart to do your research and be made aware of the side effects that come along with it.

The post What Are The Side Effects From Clomid: Stories From Real Women appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: PTSD is a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary, or a dangerous event. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can be described as a mental health condition that’s triggered by a trauma. Whether experiencing it or seeing it. The symptoms include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, depression and confusion.

As a 15 year old freshman girl I was at school on April 20, 1999 at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado when two students opened fire and killed 12 students, one teacher, wounded dozens and then killed themselves.

This was my  trauma.

For years I didn’t realize that  what I was experiencing was PTSD. But I had all the symptoms.

Flashbacks. Anxiety. Depression. Confusion. Nightmares.

I used to think the only way someone could have PTSD was to have been a soldier at war. But now I know PTSD is so common and it can happen to anyone who has experienced a trauma.

Something scary. Something shocking.

Although I was not injured at the school that day I did hear gun shots.

I hid, I felt fear. I was confused, I was lost, I was angry. I felt as if I lost all control of  my life. I felt anxiety.

Sound familiar?

Going through infertility can bring up all those feelings, too. I know they have for me.

There are all sorts of levels of trauma. There is the trauma of being in a school shooting (like myself) and then there is the trauma related to infertility, which I also experience.

So what does my infertility PTSD look like?

I have been blessed with two daughters through the miracle of IUI.

But for ten years I have had dozens and dozens of doctor appointments, paid thousands of dollars in treatments, spent hundreds of hours with doctors, nurses, in the hospital or at the RE clinic. I have taken hundreds of ovulation tests, pregnancy tests and even more shots and pills.

My stomach has been in knots as I’ve waited for important emails and phone calls from medical professionals, I’ve waited anxiously in nothing but a gown in a cold doctor’s office.

I’ve felt the highest of highs  the lowest of lows and have felt as if my world was crumbling down around me. I’ve grieved. I’ve wept in my bed for hours,  and walked around like a zombie due to hormone medication that made me feel like someone I didn’t even recognize.

Sound familiar?

That is trauma.

It can be a traumatic experience to go through infertility.

So don’t be surprised if at some point on your journey- whether that means you have been able to have children or you’ve come to terms with living childless-  that there might be a time where you experience PTSD because due to the trauma you’ve experienced because of infertility.

For the past four years we’ve tried to add another baby to our family.

Two years ago we spent over a year going through two rounds of IVF. One year ago we decided to take a break and stop all treatment. That meant no more appointments, and no more going to my clinic.

About six months ago I needed to go back to my fertility doctor to have her remove some uterine polyps. But first I had to have a pre-op appointment.

That meant I would be going back to the fertility clinic for the first time in over a year.

What I didn’t expect was to experience flashbacks just by being there.

As I waited in the room for my doctor I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I started to feel anxious as if my body was shutting down. I just wanted to get out of there. I thought back to all the time I had spent there doing IUI’s  and IVF and I felt hot and sweaty suddenly. Flashbacks.

As soon as my sweet doctor walked in the room I burst into tears. I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what was happening to me- but my body was reacting to all the trauma- emotionally and physically that I endured in that office.

My doctor was so kind and immediately acknowledged and validated that I had been through SO much there that now it was all coming to the surface.

And then it clicked. Because of the PTSD I experience because of Columbine, I realized that I too, was having PTSD symptoms related to infertility.  It made sense.

When I owned that thought and accepted it, I was able to embrace it. I was able to understand why I was feeling that way and it wasn’t so scary. I could say out loud to myself that it was okay to feel that way, to recognize what my triggers were.

Humans are complex. Our brain works in mysterious ways. And you can’t always control what you consider to be traumatic or not.

But the important thing is to understand what might be happening.

Maybe for you it’s feeling anxious and depressed  every year around the time  you had a miscarriage. Maybe for you it’s breaking down and feeling worried and scared when you become pregnant after having lost a previous pregnancy.

Maybe for you it’s every time you drive by your fertility clinic you have flashbacks of all the hours spent in that office. Or maybe for you it’s a feeling in the air, a smell, or a song that brings you back to the most emotional or traumatic part of your TTC journey.

We all have our own “Columbine” in our life.

Something that changes us. Something that alters our life. Something that strips us of our innocence and the way we once looked at life. Something that makes us put our guard up. Something that forces us to grow.

From my own experiences with PTSD and what I went through as a child and what I’ve gone through with infertility I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel however I am feeling.

It’s important to grieve and let it out. But it’s more important to move forward and to look for the good, too.

That can be so hard to do, and there are so many stages of PTSD, but know that you are not a crazy person for feeling that way.

Take care of yourself. Call in to work and stay home, hugs your kids and husband a little tighter, write in your journal, seek the help of a professional, meditate, pray- do something that helps you feel.

Infertility, just like any trauma deserves to be validated. Never push away what you might be feeling, and don’t tell yourself that “it’s not as bad as what someone else might be going through.” Because remember- this is your journey- not someone else’s.

This life is filled with so much beautiful and good. There will always be trauma and heartache sprinkled in between the happiness and joy.

The events at Columbine happened 18 years ago.

I may always have PTSD related to it, but as the years have gone on, the symptoms have lessened a little, or maybe I have learned how to channel them better.

And I know as time goes on, I’ll learn how to do the same with the emotions and feelings I have related to my infertility.

And so will you.

The post Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Infertility appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

Because we had been unsuccessful with getting pregnant with IUI (after successfully getting pregnant through IUI twice before) my RE did an ultrasound before one of our inseminations and she noticed an abundance of uterine polyps and fibroid cysts. My doctor suggested that if that current round of IUI was not successful that we do another more intensive ultrasound to check the severity of the polyps.

Our tenth round of IUI did not work. We still were not pregnant.

We then went in for a *saline sonohystergram ultrasound. It was then she determined that I had quite a few polyps and some that were rather large.

My RE suggested I undergo a minor surgery to remove them.

At the time we felt that the polyps were a possible  reason our IUI’s were not working. Our doctor also explained to us that she felt this would remove a huge stumbling block for us and that removing polyps from the uterus is a common procedure they do in assisting those suffering from infertility.

Removing the polyps would clear my uterus and increase our chances of conception.  Our doctor highly recommended having the polyps removed before moving forward with IVF- which was our next step.

Having polyps and fibroids on my uterus was not only possibly affecting my fertility, but it was also affecting my quality of life during my menstrual cycle.

I learned that uterine polyps also causes heavy bleeding during your period, spotting and painful cramping- all of which I experienced each month during my cycle.

Uterine Polyps Symptoms:

• Irregular menstrual bleeding that varies in duration and heaviness
• Spotting, or bleeding between menstrual periods
• Infertility
• Vaginal bleeding after menopause

Because of our infertility and the symptoms related to my period- our doctor felt the polyps needed to be removed and she then scheduled me for a Uterine Polyp and Hysteroscopic Myomectomy Polypectomy.

That’s quite the mouthful, right?

 Uterine Polyp and Hysteroscopic Myomectomy Polypectomy is defined as being a surgical approach of removal of uterine polyps preserving the uterus. Uterine polyps are a kind of non cancerous overgrowth of cells of the inner wall of the uterus that extend into the uterine cavity. These uterine polyps develop in the lining of the uterus.

I would like to share my experience with having this surgery and hope it helps someone else who may need it.  While I hope my insight helps shed a little light on the procedure,  please consult your own doctor for instruction before your own surgery.

Preparing for Surgery:

After scheduling the surgery my doctor had me start a birth control pill on day 3 of my cycle to help thin my uterus lining. I took one pill a day up until surgery.

The night before surgery I was told to eat a light meal, and to start fasting at midnight.

The next morning I was not allowed to eat or drink anything before surgery.

I was told not to wear any eye makeup or jewelry in for surgery.

Day of Surgery:

This is an out-patient, same day procedure that takes place in a hospital. My surgery was performed by my fertility doctor.

I arrived an hour prior to my surgery time allowing time to check in, change into a gown and get situated in a room.

I was told to bring another adult to assist me through the process and be there during surgery, and to take me home.

At the time of the surgery I was wheeled out of my room on a gurney down a hall to the operating room. That was where I said good-bye to my  husband and he was sent to the waiting room.

I was met by nurses, my doctor performing the surgery and the anesthesiologist. I was given the chance to ask last minute questions and then had an IV started.

After that I was wheeled into the operating room. It was cold, and they covered me with warm blankets. I was then approached by the anesthesiologist who inserted medication into my IV to make me sleepy and go to sleep– as you are under general anesthesia during the surgery.

I remember up until that point and then I was out for the remainder of the surgery.

After Surgery:

The surgery takes about 15-20 minutes but it took me a little while to wake up after the surgery was done.

I was still in the operating room until I woke up, after which I was rolled back into my recovery room. Some people feel ill as they come-to but I did not feel sick or nauseous but I do remember coughing a lot and not being able to catch my breath. The nurse was also feeding me ice chips.

I felt very groggy and “loopy” for a while as I came out of the anesthesia and I was in the recovery room for about two hours until I was able to get up and walk on my own.

I was given juice and crackers as I felt ready to eat.

Recovery:

They tell you to not be left alone for about 24 hours after surgery. You are told to take it easy and rest for those 24 hours.

I was given pain medication and was told to be prepared for light bleeding for a few days. I felt discomfort for the remainder of the first day and into the second day but overall the recovery was not too bad.

What I Wish I Had known and What I Wish I Did Differently:

I did not know that I was going to be intubated ( a tube down my mouth to assist with breathing) during this surgery. The hardest part of recovery was the sore throat from having the tube down my throat. My throat was scratchy and sore for several days after surgery and it was difficult to talk and swallow.

My surgery was on a Friday and my husband had to work the next day. Although I was physically feeling mostly better I know I over-did it taking care of our two girls. I remember I also went to church on Sunday and at one point as I was talking to a friend I felt very light headed and groggy and I felt very weak.

My advice is to take the suggestion of your doctor seriously and rest up and take it easy.  Although this is a relatively minor surgery your body still needs time to heal, especially because of the anesthesia given and the pain medication you might be on.

After having this surgery we had high hopes of being able to become pregnant. Our doctor told us our chances were higher now that I had a cleared out uterus. Unfortunately, pregnancy did not occur and we are still waiting for our miracle.

Even though having this surgery did not end up helping our infertility- I am still grateful for the surgery and I am glad it was done.

Several times the thought came to me that as parents we would do anything for our children– and that includes the children we are hoping and praying for to come into our family. It has been a long and hard road, but having the surgery done and doing everything we could- was just one more way that we could should love for our future children right now.

Two years after having   the surgery I became  part of the 15% of patients who have the polyps come back.  I noticed my periods becoming heavier each month and I made an appointment with my doctor. She gave me a sonohystergram where she discovered more polyps in my uterus.

The recovery process was slightly different the second time around.

I felt more nauseous coming out of the anesthesia than the first time and the first day following the surgery I felt really cloudy and slightly crampy.

I felt no soreness in my throat because of the breathing tube which was a pleasant surprise.

After day  2 of recovery I was mostly feeling back to normal. After resting on day 1, I  was able to move around and mostly resumed all normal activity. The pain was not bad and I  only needed to take Tylenol to manage pain.

This is minor surgery and that benefits of having it done are totally worth it in my opinion.

*a Saline Sonohystergram Ultrasound can be done to investigate conditions such as abnormal uterine bleeding, infertility, and recurrent miscarriage. SHG can also be performed to see the structure of the uterus. Saline infusion sonohysterography (SIS or SHG) is a procedure to evaluate the uterus and the shape of the uterine cavity. SHG uses ultrasound and sterile fluid to show the uterus and endometrial (uterine lining) cavity. The ovaries are also seen at the time of SHG. The purpose is to detect any abnormalities. source

The post My Experience Having A Uterine Polyp and Hysteroscopic Myomectomy Polypectomy appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

Finding a doctor you click with is important. Whether it is your dentist or your eye doctor- you want to feel comfortable with whoever is treating you and your family. Nothing could be more true  when looking for a reproductive endocrinologist  (RE or fertility doctor).

Your doctor will most likely see you at your lowest moments as well as your highest.

While most doctors have your best interest at heart- not all doctors are created equal- and everyone has their own style.

This is why it is important  to do your research before choosing the doctor you want to work with. I saw three different fertility doctors at  my clinic and while I loved each of them- they were definitely all different in their bedside manner (which I feel is so important) and I found myself drawn more to one than the others.

If you are just starting your fertility journey or if you are on the lookout for a new RE- consider this list as you investigate potential doctors or clinics.

• Ask how long each doctor has been in practice
• Find out how long the clinic has been open
• Read online reviews and comments from past, or current patients
• Find out if they have an age limit for treatments
• Do research to find out their success rates in fertility treatments
• Check to see if they accept your insurance- as some insurance companies DO cover fertility treatments
• Ask for a complete list of what different fertility treatments, consultations, and medications cost
• Take into consideration the location of the clinic- can you get their easily? Is it a long drive? Is it worth it to you to have to drive hours just to see a particular doctor?
• When possible – visit the clinic to get a feel for the ambiance and overall feel. It is so important to feel as comfortable as possible where you will be treated. Take note of the waiting room, the receptionist, and how quickly patients are being called back
• Call the clinic and pay attention to the wait time you might experience while being on hold, ask how many patients the clinic is currently seeing.
• Find out what hospitals, or other offices the doctors might be able to assist you at. My RE had two different offices where he met patients at- this was helpful to me because one of the clinics was significantly closer to my home.
• Ask if they are a teaching school or not. Ask yourself if you would you feel comfortable having a student sit in on your procedures or appointments.
• Schedule a meet-and-greet with any doctor you are considering. Before committing to a doctor it is important to meet them first. This consultation might come with a copay or out of pocket cost to you, but it is worth it to find a doctor you click with.

I hope you will find this list helpful when searching for the right doctor. I know from experience how overwhelming and intimidating it can be! This is a huge step and commitment so don’t take it lightly.

Remember to do your research and listen to your intuition when choosing a doctor or clinic.

If you are just starting out on this journey please know how many people you have in your corner. You are not a lone and there is great potential out there to help you navigate this roller coaster we call infertility.

Take a deep breath and jump in. Taking this first step to find a doctor can seem scary but it is so worth it, too. Good luck and please leave  a comment telling us how you found your fertility doctor- we would love to hear from you.

The post How To Find The Perfect Fertility Doctor appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

Wait. How does that work?

About three weeks after your last menstrual period you begin to produce levels of the pregnancy hormone hCG that are high enough to detect on a blood or urine test. If you are not actively taking pregnancy tests you may not ever know you were pregnant to begin with and you will begin your cycle not knowing you had been pregnant.

Chemical Pregnancies are more easily tracked and detected if you are doing fertility treatments because of the early hCG testing that happens after and IUI or round of IVF.

What Happens

Once the fertilized egg implants in the uterus it can somehow not complete implantation — and an ultrasound won’t be able to detect a gestational sac or placenta developing — which then results  in the  bleeding around a week after your regular period was due.

If you have heavy bleeding (with or without cramping) after a positive pregnancy test, call your doctor right away, as you may be experiencing a chemical pregnancy.

Why Does it Happen

When an egg and a sperm combine chromosomes it then goes on to form a zygote, which begins to grow through rapid cell division. When that happens there are occasionally mistakes that happen. Sometimes producing too many chromosomes or not enough. This can  occur randomly and can happen to anyone.

The Emotional Side

While many women may never know they are experiencing a chemical pregnancy, only thinking their cycle was a little late- there are many women who are aware that they have lost a pregnancy and are having a chemical pregnancy.

It doesn’t matter at what stage your loss is- a loss is still devastating.

There  might be people who don’t understand why you may be grieving so much over an early loss but please know that your feelings are valid and important. It is natural to feel upset and to grieve.

For most, the moment you find out you are pregnant you may start imagining your life with that baby and become instantly attached. If you are going through fertility treatments or hormones a loss might be even more heartbreaking because of the underlining issues of infertility and how difficult it might be to conceive in the first place.

Be sure to take care of yourself emotionally and psychically and allow yourself to feel the emotions and to grieve this loss.

If you are worried or concerned that you might be having a chemical pregnancy please reach out to your doctor.

The post What Is A Chemical Pregnancy? appeared first on Infertili.Tees.

Infertility has a been a part of my life since 2007.

As a little girl I always wanted a big family. I have three sisters and two brothers- and having so many siblings was definitely a factor in wanting a lot of kids.

My husband and I met on a blind date, and were married almost one year later in April 2007. Together we compromised and decided we would love to have four children. How simple it seemed that would be!

After being married six months I convinced my husband that we needed to start “trying” for a baby. We told a few friends and family members and everyone was so excited for us. They were certain it would happen soon and we would be well on our way to creating the family we dreamed of. Even though I was really excited to begin this journey, I remember having a “feeling” that it might not be easy for us.

I had no real reason to feel this way. I always had regular cycles, and I had not been diagnosed with anything that would make it hard to conceive. I am a worrier by nature, but it was more than just being paranoid. But I pushed the feelings away and we began moving forward with trying to start our family.

After an agonizing six months of negative pregnancy tests, we felt strongly that we needed to look into getting some tests done. Those first six months were so very hard me. I watched countless friends and family members become pregnant and continually wondered when it would be “our turn.” I called my OBGYN, and she immediately agreed that we should start doing some tests to see if something was going on to prevent us from getting pregnant.  Most doctors begin testing only after you have been trying for a year- so we felt very blessed that my doctor was so proactive so early on.

For the next three or four months I went in for countless blood tests and ultrasounds. All of the results came back normal.

We then also had my husband go in for tests. It was then that we found out we had male factor infertility. Because of those results, our doctor suggested we go ahead with Artificial Insemination (IUI).

We were so excited to get to this step! That year we were consumed with all things fertility.

I used ovulation strips, tracked signs and symptoms, checked my body basal temperate every morning, obsessed over online message boards, and we even resorted to buying things like “Pre-Seed” to boost our chances. However, I did learn so much that year.

I felt very informed on fertility and everything that involved conception. I educated myself so I knew that we had done all we could do.

Exactly one year after we began trying, we went in for our first round of IUI in January 2009. We were incredibly blessed and ecstatic to find out a few weeks later that we were finally pregnant! Our baby girl was born in September of that year and we had never been happier.

When she was 18 months old, we returned to our doctor to try for a second child. Because we were so successful with IUI before, we had high hopes that it wouldn’t take long this time. And it didn’t. On our third round of IUI, we found out it had worked and we were expecting again!

At this point I felt that our infertility was under control.

I had accepted the fact that we would most likely always need to do these procedures to get pregnant. I was at peace with it. I learned that our story was just that. Ours. And that it didn’t help to compare ourselves to others.

Our second daughter was born five weeks early in December 2011, due to me having placenta previa. She came into this world at four pounds, but was healthy and strong and was able to avoid time in the NICU all together.  We were a family of four and we felt so happy.

When our second daughter was 18 months old, we again, headed to the doctor to try for a third baby.

That was in July 2013 and we are currently still waiting on our miracle.

Over the past five years we have done 15 rounds of IUI.

None of them successful.

In 2015 we were blessed to be able to do IVF. It was an emotional, yet amazing experience.

Two weeks after our egg transfer we were told I was pregnant but that our HCG level was really low. I went in for follow up blood work two days later to be told that the pregnancy was no longer viable and that my HCG levels were going down. They called it a Chemical Pregnancy.

Going through that heart break was what I consider one of the most devastating, and faith trying experiences of my life. There are no words to describe the way your heart breaks after failed IVF. Even though we felt so helpless and lost, we also felt a lot of comfort and peace and were surrounded by amazing family members and friends who rallied around us.

We felt that we needed to continue our journey. About five months later, we moved forward with doing another round of IVF using our two frozen embryos from our first round. I was at a good place emotionally, and had many experiences that confirmed to us that this was the right direction to take.

Going through IVF for a second time was just as hard physically and emotionally as it was the first time. But we felt hopeful that it would work. In October 2015 we had our egg transfer. Two weeks later, we were again told that I was pregnant. My HCG level was higher than last time, but still low enough that they wanted to check the levels again. Two days later, our world came crumbling down again, when we were told that we were yet again having a Chemical Pregnancy.

It was much harder the second time. That had been our last hope. I felt broken, lost, mad, and devastated. But with those feelings and emotions also came sacred and spiritual experiences, and fleeting moments of clarity and peace. Again, we were surrounded by so many people who held us up, comforted us, and showed us their love. If nothing else, going through the heartache we went through showed us how good people are. We were served by so many and our hearts were touched. We will never forget the outpouring of love we received and we feel so incredibly blessed to be able to have experienced it.

 At this point we both had spiritual confirmations that we now needed to fully leave it in God’s hands and put our faith in Him. We felt the need to focus on our family of four and put all of our energy into our two miracles and move forward- away from the fertility medications, shots, pills, doctor appointments, and tests. For three years we had been living our life around all of those things, and we needed to take a break to feel free of them.

We will be the first to tell people how blessed we are to have two daughters. TWO!

Two more than many would dream of. We will never take them for granted or not realize how blessed we are. But it doesn’t take away the pain we feel not being able to have another, or to not have the control over deciding our family is complete.

I often feel like I need to justify our desire to have a third to others, but I’m learning that I don’t need to do that. We can be grateful for what we have, while still longing for what we don’t. But in doing so, we are learning to live our life and be happy.

And each day gets easier, with a few setback along the way. My heart will always long to be pregnant again- and we believe in miracles and hope we get one- but I’m learning to see how perfect our family is for us right now, too.

Over the past five years we have done 15 rounds of IUI, 2 rounds of IVF, I’ve had 2 minor surgeries to remove polyps from my uterus, we’ve spent thousands of dollars, I’ve had hundred of shots, pills, medications, appointments, breakdowns and tears.

But we’ve also gained great sympathy, compassion, love, understanding and acceptance. We’ve felt the lowest lows, but the most amazing highs- that can only be felt once you’ve hit bottom.

It’s my hope and desire to help spread awareness about infertility.

To help others not feel alone in this trial, and to help others feel judged less because of it.

I am not an expert but I do have a lot of experiences under my belt. Because of this trial I have learned so much, but more importantly I have learned to have compassion for others. I have learned how to endure and have patience even when it is seems unbearable.

And I am continuing to learn how infertility can be a blessing in my life.

As I have endured this trial over the past 10 years my passion for spreading awareness has increased.

Writing is therapeutic for me and it is a way for me to share my feelings. But often, as I write, I feel inspired by what I type and looking back the words I share are almost always something I am needing to be reminded of myself. I know I am not on this journey alone and my faith in a loving Heavenly Father helps me through it all- including when I share my message.

At Infertili.tees it is our hope to spread awareness through written word and apparel. Wearing your heart on your sleeve so to speak, is just one way to show others what you are going through is important.

I hope that here you will feel safe, empowered and informed in all things infertility, family and faith. Please look for our shop coming soon with graphic tees and prints that will help spread infertility awareness.

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